Jamie Brown

Things You Should Never Say

When you’re in ministry, there are going to be times when you say some really stupid things to people in your congregation. In the moment, you’ll either not be thinking clearly, or not thinking at all, and you’ll open your mouth and say something that you should have kept inside. I am really good at this.

Here are some things that you should never say.

“When are you due?”
Unless you have no doubt that the woman you’re speaking to is 100% pregnant, and that the news is public, never ask this question.

“So when are you guys going to start having kids?”
This question ignores one important, painful reality: many married couples who don’t have kids are trying to have kids and can’t conceive. Don’t ask this question.

“I don’t care what _____ thinks”
I once said this very phrase at a Vestry meeting (when I was 16): “Why should we ask people what they think if we already know what we’re going to do?” Bad idea. If you want to survive, both existentially and politically, in ministry, you have to learn to care, or pretend to care, what people think. You’ll probably learn a few things.

“Let’s have a meeting on Sunday morning”
For convenience sake, with people working during the week and unable to meet with me Monday – Thursday, I would oftentimes arrange meetings/auditions on Sunday mornings. If at all possible, don’t arrange meetings for yourself on Sundays. You’re too distracted and busy focussing on your worship leader responsibilities to devote yourself to anything else all that well on Sundays.

“Go talk to the sound guy”
So someone comes up to you and says “it’s too loud” or “I can’t hear the flute” or “my ears hurt”. What do you say? Don’t just tell them to go talk to the sound guy. The sound guy might not be in the mood and you can’t be sure how they’ll respond. So, just apologize and defuse the situation with a smile. Follow up with your sound guy later.

“I need more me”
I know that you’re trying to say you can’t hear yourself in the monitor, but this just sounds bad. Instead, say “is it possible for me to hear my voice better?” After all, it might be that you actually need less of something in your monitor in order to hear yourself more.

What else did I miss?

Signs That You’re High-Maintenance

Are you a difficult worship leader to work with? Does your pastor find you to be a constant challenge? Do the other staff members at your church avoid disagreeing with you? Hopefully not. But sometimes worship leaders, with the wonderful artistic temperament that God gave us (not to mention the sinful nature we’re born with), can become mini-divas without realizing it.

Here are some signs you might have become a bit too high-maintenace.

1. You disagree with everything the pastor suggests. He can be right sometimes, you know!

2. You think you’re the only one who “gets it”. You’re not.

3. You get defensive when someone wants to help you choose songs. Loosen up.

4. Your natural response to a new idea is “no”. Try not to shoot down ideas so quickly.

5. You ask permission too much. Maybe he’d be happy to give you a longer leash than you want for yourself?

6. After church, you immediately fish for compliments. It’s obvious to people, and it’s not attractive.

7. Your office door is always closed. Be sociable. It’s good for you.

8. You think everything is a “big deal”. Most things you think are big deals are actually small deals that you make into big deals by treating them like they’re big deals. Relax a little bit and everyone will be happier!

What To Do When You’re New

Your first year as a worship leader at a church is critical. How do you lay a solid foundation with your fellow staff members, your pastor, and your congregation? Here are four crucial tips for your first year:

1. Don’t change anything major. Not for a whole year. Do it the way they’ve always done it. This shows them that they can trust you. This shows you what you’ve gotten yourself into. This helps you get the lay of the land. Take it slow, learn a lot, ask a lot of questions, listen, sit in on meetings, and be quietly prioritizing what needs attention in your second year. The exception to this rule would be (a) if it’s something you absolutely can’t put off, or if (b) your pastor asks you to make a change. Although in the latter case, you would be smart to make sure he’s thought it through.

2. Be a “yes” man. Not in a negative/weak/pushover way, but in an eager to serve way. Be the guy who steps forward to attempt something challenging. Agree to serve on a committee you don’t care much about. Research something the pastor expresses an interest in. Do administrative work that no one else wants to do in your department. When you’re asked if you’ll do something, unless it impedes on your commitment to your family or your conscience, then say yes.

3. Get out of the staff bubble. Go to the potluck dinners and sit with members of the congregation that you don’t know. Lead worship for church retreats. Mingle after the service. Accept (and solicit) lunch invitations. Pursue Godly mentors from your congregation (your pastor will have some to recommend). Help out with Vacation Bible School and be willing to dress up like Noah. Immerse yourself in the life of your congregation. People will notice, and it will help them trust you. And it will help you develop a heart of love for the congregation God’s brought you to.

4. Be consistent. Just like you’re getting used to your new congregation, your congregation is getting used to their new worship leader. Don’t do anything crazy. Don’t alter your approach dramatically from week to week. Dress like they dress. Don’t talk too much. Be faithful, don’t be the source of any major angst, and remember that rapid change in a congregation is very often the most damaging kind of change. Slow and steady wins the race.

Follow Through On Stuff That’s New

I am oftentimes guilty of teaching a new song to my congregation on a Sunday, without either committing myself or making sure it’s possible to use that same song the following Sunday. I’ll teach a song and the congregation will hear it and join in towards the end, and then will either decide to dump the song, or let several weeks pass before I use it again. Bad idea.

If you (and by “you” I mean “me”) are going to teach a song to your congregation, then you have to commit (and make sure it’s possible) to follow through with that new song and use it again, if possible, the next Sunday. This helps people learn it. This helps them feel confident enough in it to start to sing it. Better yet, if you do it a third week in a row, a critical mass of people will actually “know” the song and sing it out.

It’s not fair to your congregation to teach them a new song, then let a week or two (or more) pass before doing it again. It gives them whiplash. You’ve known it for months, they haven’t. You’ve practiced it, they haven’t. You’ve gone through it with your team and worked on getting it right, but they haven’t. They need time with a new song to get acquainted with it. Give them that time.

And don’t do what I do, which is do a song once, and make a decision based on that one usage of the song whether or not it’s worth using again. You can’t tell, after using a song one time, if it’s a keeper or not. Maybe you butchered it and need to try it again. Maybe they just couldn’t hear the melody clearly enough. Who knows. If a song seems to be a dud the first time, I still suggest you follow-through, since you took the time to teach it in the first place, and let people attempt to get to know it.

It’s not often when a song catches on the very first time. It usually takes 4 or 5 times for people to hear it and sing it to get comfortable with it. So give a new song several rounds on a Sunday morning before you decide if it’s a regular or not. This is advice I need to hear!

Pray Like a Normal Person

I once heard Jack Hayford say “how can we expect people to pray at home if we don’t expect them to pray at church?” This is a really good question that makes a really good point. If people don’t see and experience heartfelt, genuine, authentic prayer on a Sunday morning, then the odds of them feeling comfortable praying at home, or with their family, are very low.

You may not realize this, but whenever you (or anyone else) pray into a microphone on a Sunday morning, all of the “normal people” in the room are taking notes. Probably not actual notes on a piece of paper, but mental notes. And they don’t even realize they’re doing it. They’re studying how you pray, what you pray most often, how your voice sounds, if you sound like you’re faking it, if you sound like you’re comfortable, etc.

Feel nervous yet? If you don’t, you should. It’s a big responsibility to pray publicly, simply because you are shaping how the people in the pews are going to pray privately.

If I could make one suggestion to worship leaders (myself included) and pastors about praying publicly, it would be this: pray like a normal person.

Yes, make sure you keep in mind which person of the Trinity you’re addressing. Yes, make sure you don’t meander and wander and say “um” or the infamous “Father God” five thousand times. Yes, make sure your prayer makes sense. Pray carefully. But don’t pray robotically.

The normal people in your congregation can tell when, for some reason, you raise your pitch when you pray as if you’re talking to a baby. Or if you get really breathy as if you’re in a library and don’t want to get dirty looks. They can tell when you’re using words you don’t normally use. And all of this not-normalness contributes to them not feeling like they can try it at home.

Step one: use your normal voice. Step two: use your normal vocabulary. Step three: don’t think too hard. Just pray, even if it’s a bit messy, just pray from your heart. Step four: keep it short and sweet and to the point. Step five: do not, under any circumstance, assume a faux-British accent.

Model careful, heartfelt, authentic, normal prayer to your congregation. They’re taking notes.