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I never knew, when I signed up to be a worship leader, how many meetings I’d be asked to run. When you work on a church staff, you’re inevitably asked to lead a meeting or two. Or a lot more than two.

I’ve been told I have the gift of leading good meetings. Honestly, if this is true, it must be because I don’t generally enjoy meetings. When I hear the word “meeting” I instinctively start looking for the closest escape hatch. So, when I lead a meeting, I’m leading it with two goals in mind: First, let’s end this thing as soon as possible. Second, let’s actually make this thing worth all of our time.

You can read three thousand books and attend conferences and seminars and take classes on how to run effective meetings. I bet those books and conferences and seminars and classes are written and taught by dudes with more management training than me, and have some better advice. But, in the hopes of encouraging worship leaders like myself who find themselves being asked to lead meetings, here are my succinct tips for running good meetings that people will actually want to attend.

1. Always have an agenda

2. Never lose control

3. Don’t dominate but lead it clearly

4. Don’t let any individual dominate

5. Let there be vigorous discussion but keep it focused

6. Resolve vigorous discussion with clear decisions

7. Don’t let unresolved decisions go without someone being assigned to work on them in the meantime

8. Most meetings should last no longer than half an hour

9. No meeting should last more than hour

10. Start and end the meeting on time and keep it fruitful. Make a joke or two. People will look forward to this kind of meeting

What am I missing?

It finally dawned on me a few months ago. I don’t do bravado well. I’m quite happy to let other, more extroverted, more dynamic people do the talking while I sit back. I’ve got opinions for sure, and, as one recent assessment of my leadership style pointed out, I’m a “driver”, but when I’m in a room and other people are in the driver’s seat, I’ll sit in the back seat until it’s my turn to drive. I really do enjoy being the driver (ask my wife) but I just can’t do bravado.

I was brought up in ministry by mentors who modeled bold leadership. But these mentors also valued being understated in their boldness. They had a vision but weren’t jerks about it. They knew how to ignore misguided critics but would still listen to critique. They led worship with authority but derived that authority from God’s anointing, not their own accomplishment. They ran tight meetings with a firm hand but a soft heart. They contributed to meetings not by talking the most, but by talking when they really had something to say.

To be boldly understated is to possess the power of the Holy Spirit and the humility of Christ. Both and. To move in the power of the Holy Spirit without the humility of Christ is a contradiction. It’s arrogance.

There is far too much value placed on being bold these days, to the point that bravado is applauded and mistaken for boldness. This is true all over the world, including the worship-leading world. And there is far too little value placed on being understated, to the point that it’s seen as being weak. This is sad.

I’ve had the opportunity over the last few years to observe, either from afar (thanks in large part to correspondence and conversations with worship leaders through this blog and my family of Anglican churches) or up close, the inner workings of churches and denominations and organizations that are quite different from mine. In many of those settings, understatedness doesn’t get you very far. This isn’t a good thing.

Jesus modeled understated boldness. There was no mistaking his power and boldness (it got him killed) but there was also no mistaking his humility (it got him mocked).

And one of the keys to the effectiveness of the boldness of Jesus (and this is crucial for us) was that, since he wasn’t constantly walking around being bold all the time, when he did display unapologetic boldness, people paid attention. Then he’d go right back to washing feet (which was a pretty bold thing to do in an understated kind of way).

One of my favorite Will Ferrell skits from Saturday Night Live was when he played the character Jacob Silj, who suffered from “voice immodulation syndrome”. He was physically unable to change the inflection of his voice. He constantly yelled. The result was that no one wanted to listen to him. It was all loud, all the time.

Worship leaders who walk around in a constant state of boldness run the risk of canceling out their own effectiveness because it’s just too much for people to handle. It might get you to the front of certain lines, but it’s exhausting for people after a while. It’s bravado. It’s empty.

Temper your boldness by being understated. This might seem counter-intuitive. This might mean you have to tape your mouth shut from time to time. This might mean you sit back and let other people take the wheel while you enjoy the view from the passenger’s seat for a few minutes. This probably means you have to learn the art of good timing: when to be bold and when to be quiet.

Worship leaders: don’t do bravado. Yes, do boldness. But be understated about it. Be more comfortable with the background than the foreground. Step forward when needed but then step back again.

Pastors: don’t confuse bravado for boldness. And don’t be so quick to assume that someone who’s a bit understated might not be a driver in disguise.

This is a post I can write at the moment, since (praise the Lord) I have the joy of working with several gifted drummers on my church’s worship team who do a great job and are joys to work with.

But sometimes drummers can be incredibly difficult. Their instrument is the loudest (unless you use electronic drums). If they speed up, everyone speeds up. If they slow down, everyone slows down. If they decide to play a 3/4 song in 4/4, then you’re all playing it in 4/4. They’re opinionated. They know that they’re crucial to the “groove” and they like being crucial.

How do you deal with a difficult drummer?

If the difficulties stem from a lack of gifting, then you must insist on three things:

1. That they practice and play along to a metronome. At my church, we play along to a click track in our ears to keep us all together. It’s run off of an iPhone app called “Tempo Advance”, and either I or the drummer control it. If your team has in-ear monitors, it’s easy to get everyone to hear it. If your team doesn’t use in-ears, then your drummer can play with it in his ears. If we can do this with excellent drummers, then less experienced drummers should be willing to do it too.

2. That they take lessons. If your church has the budget, then offer to pay for their lessons. I also highly recommend Carl Albrecht‘s training materials, videos, etc.

3. That they play at your rehearsals or smaller services before being used in a main service. If they say no to this, that’s a red flag.

If your difficulties stem from a personality clash, then you should:

1. Build a friendship with them. When drummers sense weakness in a band/worship leader, they compensate. Become a friend to them and then they’ll trust you and back off.

2. Communicate your expectations and ideas before the rehearsal/service . Email them and tell them how you want them to play on each song, what tempo is good, etc.

3. Don’t be afraid to transition them off the team. Bob Kauflin told me early on in my ministry that “no one should be given a lifetime pass to the worship team”. If your drummer is disturbing the unity of the team and not respecting your leadership, then you should chat with your pastor and develop a plan to transition him off the team.

The drums are the musical backbone of a modern worship team. You can deal with all manner of varying backbone strengths, but the weaker and more crooked it is, the wobblier the rest of the body will be. If you don’t have a good enough drummer to be a dependable backbone, then don’t have a drummer at all. You can fill that role by playing more or having the other members take on more responsibility. Don’t put inexperienced drummers on your team too soon, and don’t leave difficult drummers on your team for too long.

When you’re in ministry, there are going to be times when you say some really stupid things to people in your congregation. In the moment, you’ll either not be thinking clearly, or not thinking at all, and you’ll open your mouth and say something that you should have kept inside. I am really good at this.

Here are some things that you should never say.

“When are you due?”
Unless you have no doubt that the woman you’re speaking to is 100% pregnant, and that the news is public, never ask this question.

“So when are you guys going to start having kids?”
This question ignores one important, painful reality: many married couples who don’t have kids are trying to have kids and can’t conceive. Don’t ask this question.

“I don’t care what _____ thinks”
I once said this very phrase at a Vestry meeting (when I was 16): “Why should we ask people what they think if we already know what we’re going to do?” Bad idea. If you want to survive, both existentially and politically, in ministry, you have to learn to care, or pretend to care, what people think. You’ll probably learn a few things.

“Let’s have a meeting on Sunday morning”
For convenience sake, with people working during the week and unable to meet with me Monday – Thursday, I would oftentimes arrange meetings/auditions on Sunday mornings. If at all possible, don’t arrange meetings for yourself on Sundays. You’re too distracted and busy focussing on your worship leader responsibilities to devote yourself to anything else all that well on Sundays.

“Go talk to the sound guy”
So someone comes up to you and says “it’s too loud” or “I can’t hear the flute” or “my ears hurt”. What do you say? Don’t just tell them to go talk to the sound guy. The sound guy might not be in the mood and you can’t be sure how they’ll respond. So, just apologize and defuse the situation with a smile. Follow up with your sound guy later.

“I need more me”
I know that you’re trying to say you can’t hear yourself in the monitor, but this just sounds bad. Instead, say “is it possible for me to hear my voice better?” After all, it might be that you actually need less of something in your monitor in order to hear yourself more.

What else did I miss?