Category: Ministry

Lessons From the Last Decade: Criticism, Controversy, and Conflict

1It’s been a wonderful ten years in ministry at my church. And it’s also been very hard.

Some of the hardest moments have come when I’ve been the recipient of criticism, the cause of controversy, and involved in conflict. Sometimes the criticism was justified, and I needed to hear it, but other times it was just someone being mean and hurtful. And sometimes the controversy was because I had unknowingly ruffled some feathers, while other times it was because I stumbled into some spiritual strongholds. And sometimes the conflict was over insignificant things like whether or not we should have drums play during communion, and sometimes it was over major things like whether drums are Satanic in origin or not (they’re not).

For many years I struggled with responding to challenges with defensiveness, all the while getting my feelings hurt, my ego bruised, and my identity in limbo. I’d write multi-page emails responding to a woman’s harmless complaint about volume, or I’d be a bit of a jerk in a meeting with someone who thought the 4/4 rock beat was going to cause people to lose their salvation, or I’d get depressed, lose sleep, and get overwhelmed.

Ministry can be very tough and lonely at times. Especially when you have detractors. What do you do?

Cling to the good news of Jesus Christ
You. Are. Hidden. In. Christ. That’s very good news. And you can’t let yourself forget it when you’re someone’s target. You are safe, you are loved, you are accepted, and you are covered by Jesus’ blood. It’s amazing how freeing this is, and how bad things can get for you when you forget it.

Rest assured: most of the time it’s not about you
When you have the unfortunate experience (and you will) of being the target of someone’s displeasure, remember that it’s most likely not about you. Maybe it is. But most of the time it’s not. Address their concerns, listen to them, and respond with grace. Apologize if you need to and then move on. Don’t let someone fixate on you. If they’re mad, it’s probably because they’re sad.

Practical tip #1: stay away from email
Email is good for everyday stuff. It’s bad for weighty stuff. An in-person conversation is ALWAYS better. Always. One of the biggest mistakes (or, sequence of mistakes) in my last ten years was keeping a multi-week dialogue over email running with someone who was very upset with me. It was terrible. I should never have allowed it to go on like that.

Practical tip #2: have hard conversations in neutral territory
Another one of the biggest mistakes I made was insisting that someone come to my office for a difficult conversation. Understandably, they flat-out refused. Never insist on dealing with difficult issues in your office. It immediately places you in the “winning” position. Find a public place, like a Panera with semi-private-yet-public booths. The dynamic is instantly more favorable for a good conversation, not a confrontation. If a conflict has reached a point where it needs to be in an office, have it in one of your pastor’s offices with him present.

Be quick to make it right
Just get it over with and reach out to someone with a personal card, or a phone call, or a coffee, and put the difficult issue to rest. The longer it drags on, the more the molehill becomes a mountain.

Be steadfast
Too many people in ministry are incredibly afraid of the slightest whiff of criticism, controversy, or conflict, that they’ll do anything to avoid it, including changing their mind, accommodating the critics, weakening their convictions, and literally trying to keep everybody happy. This is one definition of insanity. Sometimes you just need to stick to your guns.

Never forget: you have been called by God
God is faithful. He will defend you. He will accomplish his purposes in and through you. No elder board, no angry member, no petition, no nasty email, and no “I’m going to leave the church unless…” should frighten you. You can sleep well and let him deal with your problems for you. You’ll be much happier in ministry and you’ll last a lot longer too.

Lessons From the Last Decade: Leading A Worship Team Well

1When I came to The Falls Church Anglican ten years ago, I inherited a worship team of about 20-30 members, made up of men and women of different ages, backgrounds, musical experiences, etc. Over the last decade there’s been almost complete (and constant) turnover in the team (Washington D.C. is a very transient area), though there are a few that have been with me the whole time, and I have really enjoyed this part of my “job”.

But I’ve not always done a great job at leading a worship team. I’ve made some mistakes (!) and learned some lessons, and I offer these suggestions for those of you who have any role in the leading, caring, and feeding of a group of volunteers/musicians in your own church.

Recruit to a vision
Don’t just fill musical slots. Recruit people who want to be involved in serving the congregation in a pastoral role, using music as a tool to point the church to Christ.

Add slowly
It’s easier to add someone to a team than it is to ask someone to step down from a team. Resist the temptation to put someone up front before you’re sure (and they’re sure) they’re ready to be a committed member of the church.

Add carefully
Don’t just audition someone musically. Ask them to tell you their story. Ask them why they want to serve. Listen to their testimony. Tell them what you’re looking for. See what questions they ask you. Let them come to a few rehearsals. Let them play on a Sunday or two before they’re officially on the team. Look for the three Cs: character, competency, and chemistry.

Build community
Your team’s effectiveness in worship leading will increase exponentially if they love each other, have fun and laugh together, pray together, worship together, go out to eat with one another, have inside jokes with one another, and enjoy each other’s company.

Don’t lose momentum
It will take years to build the kind of community I describe above. But you can torpedo it in a matter of weeks or months if you don’t keep cultivating it, through intentional time together outside of Sunday mornings.

Be a clear leader
In your musical and pastoral roles, be as clear as you can be about what your goals are, and what your expectations are. People respond well to clear leadership. They shy away from timidity.

Be organized, dependable, and consistent
A disorganized leader breeds a messy team. An undependable leader breeds a flaky team. And an inconsistent leader breeds a dysfunctional team. You set the tone.

Always pray when you’re together
No meeting, rehearsal, or service should happen without you calling your team to a time of prayer. Never give people the impression that you think you don’t need God’s help.

Keep people laughing
People love to laugh. If your times together as a team are marked by laughter, then people will want to come back, even if it means getting up early, staying out late, or spending an entire morning at church. Laughter is a powerfully magnetic tool.

Laugh at yourself
Be the first person to poke fun at yourself. This will set a tone of humility and self-forgetfulness that will permeate the whole atmosphere of your team.

Don’t ask too much of people
The members of your team are real people with lives, families, jobs, other commitments, etc. If being a member of your team has a detrimental impact on their lives, you’re asking too much of them. When the problem is that you’re asking too much, you need to reevaluate your system. But if the problem is that someone is just too busy, then you need to be quick to release people before they get burned out.

Don’t ask too little of people either
Call people to a high standard of service, musicianship, involvement, preparation, ministry, and commitment. Then expect them to step up. It’s possible to do this in a way that’s not at odds with people’s family/personal lives and careers (and it looks different depending on where your church is). People want to be challenged, they want to grow, and they want you to help them.

Lessons From the Last Decade: Serving Your Pastor Well

1This week I’m getting all nostalgic as I look back on the last ten years of my life serving at The Falls Church Anglican. One of the privileges of being here has been serving my pastor, John Yates. John is a godly man, a good pastor, and has taught me a lot. He took a big risk in hiring me with very little experience and giving me a large amount of freedom and grace. I sure have needed that grace! And I sure have appreciated the freedom.

The relationship between the pastor and the worship leader (or organist, or choir director, or music minister, or all of the above) is notoriously tricky. Today I want to offer a few lessons I’ve learned over the last decade on how to serve your pastor well, and to make this tricky relationship a bit less… well… tricky.

Don’t go around him
The phrase “it’s better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission” should never enter your mind when thinking about your pastor. It’s always, always, always better to ask for his permission. Always.

Don’t go against him
Your pastor needs your support, your help, and your encouragement. If you disagree with him, then have a conversation with him and ask him questions. He’d be much happier having a conversation and answering your questions/concerns, then dealing with your flat-out opposition.

Don’t surprise him
It took me 7 1/2 years to realize that my pastor didn’t like being surprised on Sunday mornings. Duh. Now I email/talk with him every week about what songs I’m planning. 99% of the time he says “that’s great”. 1% of the time he says “I’d rather you not…” And avoiding that 1% chance of surprising him has made my life much more enjoyable (and probably his too).

Don’t be high-maintenance
Your pastor has enough high-maintence people in his congregation. Don’t join their ranks. Do your job well, faithfully, humbly, and trustworthily, and your pastor will love you. 

Don’t go outside your parameters
Step 1: Ask and learn what your parameters are. Step 2: Stay inside those parameters. That’s your safety zone, and the protection of your pastor might not extend outside of that zone.

Initiate things inside those parameters
Step 3: Be an initiator. If you know your parameters, and you know where you have your pastor’s support, then just get on with initiating stuff. He’ll be delighted to see you taking charge and will be grateful for your energy.

Help him preach his message
Take the time to find out what he’s preaching on, and do your best to support the preaching of the Word by what songs you pick. A worship leader who ignores his pastor will most likely be ignored by their pastor.

Run your ministry in such a way that gets people involved
Your pastor hears from people all the time who aren’t happy because they “can’t get plugged in”. Plug people in. Have them to your house. Have worship team dinners. Build community. It’s good for the church, and it’s good for the pastor to see you getting people involved. He’ll be grateful.

Be organized
It will be hard for your pastor to trust you with more responsibility if you can’t keep things organized.

Keep track of the history
What times were the Christmas services last year? What about the year before? What did we do about communion on Pentecost last year? These sorts of questions come up in meetings, and if you can answer them, you’ll show that you’re valuable in more ways than just leading music.

Do your part as well as you can
Prepare, rehearse, and lead worship on Sunday mornings in such a way that helps people see and savor Jesus Christ. Work on your transitions and prayers. Help make Sunday mornings a well-run, well-led, and well-received gathering.

Pray for him
A worship leader who prays for his/her pastor is a worship leader who wants the best for his/her church. A church is best served by unified leadership. So, pursue unity with your pastor, and pursue it prayerfully, and your worship leadership will be all the more effective.

Not Missing the Sweetness of Being a Local Church Worship Leader

1Once upon a time I was having a conversation with a musician/singer/songwriter who was having a hard time breaking out in the Christian music market. I asked him what he thought he would do in a few years if his music didn’t take off, and he said that he might just end up leading worship at a local church somewhere.

Another time, once upon a time, I was having a conversation with a worship leader in a local church. In his free time, he was in a band that had started to be invited to play at some youth retreats and other events. I asked him what he thought things would look like for him in a few years, and he said he hoped that he could end up touring, recording, and moving to Nashville to live the life of a musician/singer/songwriter.

Two different people with two different stories, each of whom viewed the role of a local church worship leader as if it were just a safety net, there for them in case they couldn’t do something else.

On the one hand, it’s understandable that a Christian with musical gifts who’s looking for a way to support himself with those gifts would explore the world of worship leading, and on occasion find that the world of worship leading isn’t where they sense a calling. And that’s fine.

But on the other hand, it’s unfortunate when local church worship leaders see their job as merely a holding cell, or a launchpad from which they can soar into mainstream success one day.

Leading worship in a local church is a privilege, an honor, and a great responsibility. Walking alongside a congregation from the vantage point of the person charged with leading them in song throughout the different seasons, ups and downs, joys and sorrows, and attendance fluctuations is certainly challenging, but also incredibly rewarding. And if you’re always looking for greener grass or a brighter spotlight, of if you’re always resenting having to serve in this capacity, then you’re forgetting what a privilege it is.

Being a local church worship leader can be incredibly hard, whether you’ve sensed a call to it since you were 13, whether you’ve fallen into because you didn’t make it the music business, or whether you’re still doing it and hoping to do something else one day. But it can be incredibly sweet. Don’t miss out on the sweetness.

A New Call

1After 10 years of a being on a wild ride with The Falls Church Anglican and having the privilege of serving them as Associate Director of Worship and Music, God has called me to Truro Anglican Church in Fairfax, Virginia, to be their next Director of Worship and Arts. Catherine and I are sad to say goodbye to our community at TFCA (though, graciously, this new call doesn’t involve us moving!), but we’re thrilled to start a new chapter of ministry at a church that’s so dear to us.

Truro is actually where Catherine and I met each other (our dads were both associate pastors at the same time), where we first led worship together, where we got married, and where we have many fond memories and close friends. I was a member there and helped lead worship in multiple capacities for about four years. We never imagined God would call us “back” to Truro. But that’s the thing: he hasn’t. He’s called us forward to Truro. And we’re thrilled.

I came on staff at TFCA on July 6th, 2004. I was excited and anxious. I was grateful to be called to such a wonderful church with godly leadership, but a bit overwhelmed by the challenges that faced me. There hadn’t been anyone on staff before to lead any of the contemporary music elements, or to take ownership of the “informal services”. It was all new to them. And to me! But I dove in to the deep end, with a lot of help and a lot of grace from the amazing people at TFCA, and it’s been a wonderful adventure. It’s been a full decade: full of joys and trials, and I’m deeply grateful to God for the opportunity to be at this amazing church with such sweet people, gifted musicians, and committed volunteers for as long as he’s let me. The last two and a half years have been especially exciting (losing/leaving our campus, becoming portable, etc.) And now God is bringing this chapter to a close.

My last Sunday at TFCA will be July 6th, 2014. Exactly a decade. Time flies!

I’m looking forward to four weeks off with my family after that, before starting at Truro on Monday, August 4th. I’ll be diving into a new deep end, and again hoping for a lot of help and a lot of grace from the amazing people at Truro. I’m looking forward to building on the solid foundation that’s already there, and has been there for several decades now. It’s an honor to be called to this new position, and I’m grateful to Tory (Truro’s senior pastor) for the opportunity.

I’d really appreciate your prayers over the next three weeks as I seek to finish well (I sure do have a lot to do!), as my family and I process the emotions of saying goodbye to our time at TFCA, as I attempt some sort of brief “sabbatical” starting on Monday, July 7th, and as the Browns begin a new chapter at Truro in August.

Over the next few weeks I hope to share some more reflections on the last 10 years, so for now I’ll just leave it at this: it’s been an incredible honor to serve The Falls Church Anglican for the last decade. I will always be grateful.