Jamie Brown

From A Worship Leader’s Wife

I’m currently on vacation with my wife (Catherine) and our three little girls, and in the middle of a wonderful interim time between ministry positions (with my next one starting in August). After blogging here for five years, I thought you might like to hear from someone else, so I asked Catherine a few questions. I come off looking awfully good, but I promise I let her answer these however she wanted!

I hope it’s helpful to hear from someone who’s been on the other side of a worship leader’s ministry, in the hopes that this encourages other spouses out there, and worship leaders too.

1. What has it been like being married to someone in worship ministry?
For the most part, its been great. I grew up in a ministry family so the challenges aren’t new to me and I hoped I could marry someone in the ministry even before I met Jamie. But I will say that it hasn’t been like it expected it to be. I hoped that I would be able to be in ministry with my husband, volunteer at church etc. In reality, I am able to do LESS on a Sunday morning than some of my non-church-staff peers. They can trade off taking care of kids with their husbands. Sunday morning is the one time when my husband can’t do anything to help out with the kids. Its worth it to me and it is only a season, but its not what I expected. One of the major perks is that I always get to be a part of a church where I know the music will be great (or getting better!) and the worship ministry will be focused on God, not the worship leader.

2. What’s been hard about it?
There are always the challenging times when Jamie has to work a lot. When a CD is being produced or a retreat is being planned, there are definitely days/weeks when he works almost every waking hour…and doesn’t have enough sleeping hours! That obviously brings challenges because I miss him, his company, and his help with the kids and around the house. But that doesn’t happen often, especially when compared with the travel schedules and work hours of others I see in the DC area. I’m thankful that Jamie actively works to avoid travel without us and to keep his work hours manageable. Even when he has to work almost every available minute, I can count on him being around from dinner time to bed time. He very rarely misses singing his little girls to sleep.

The most difficult thing for me has been when people in the congregation or leadership of the church have been unreasonably critical towards Jamie. Its one thing for someone to give constructive criticism that can sting for a time but be effective in the end. But just because its the church doesn’t mean that all the feedback is well-meaning and constructive. Jamie has had his share of cruelty from others in the church. The most difficult thing for me is to hear about the cruelty and then to see those who have so harshly hurt my husband when I go to church. There have been several Sundays when I’ve had to bite my tongue or hide away in Jamie’s office to avoid saying some equally mean things back. I think this is harder for me because I want to be in right relationship with everyone, but in this kind of situation it is just not appropriate for me to approach someone who has hurt my husband and try to work it out with them. In the end I’ve had to remember that, just like us, everyone in the church comes with baggage and weaknesses and sin. Jamie and I hurt people in our sin and brokenness. And we will be hurt by others. If I can remember that, it helps me to forgive.

3. What are some practical/spiritual ways you’ve found effective to support me?
I try to know the people Jamie works with. That has become less possible now that I have kids and am less able to be at everything the worship team does, but I still do what I can to be around. The girls and I make banana bread or cookies and “surprise” Jamie (after texting to find out if its a good time) at work with them. Then we walk around the offices and offer them to the church staff. I sometimes bring the girls to rehearsal and let them dance up and down the aisles of the auditorium.

I also try to be aware of what is going on in Jamie’s work life and respond accordingly. I’m (slowly) learning that, during and after a stressful situation, he needs space to process. When he goes out on to the porch after the girls are in bed, I don’t assume that he wants me to follow him… and I try not to get hurt when he wants to be alone. (Normally after the girls are in bed we would spend that time together.) Basically I try to be aware of how he responds to stress and make room for that when necessary.

I really love what Jamie does. I think he’s good at it. I love that he’s not self-promoting. I’m proud of his wisdom and skill and talent. And I try to tell him that and encourage him in it.

In that same vein, I try to notice at least one positive thing about the music every Sunday. Its not always easy because, honestly, its usually all great so the bad things are the things that stand out. And I have 3 kids under 5 with me, so noticing anything can be challenging. 🙂 After the service I try to avoid criticism and focus on the good. Anything that needs to be corrected either isn’t important or can be talked about on Monday.

4. How can worship leaders support their spouses at home?
One of my favorite things that Jamie does is not exclusive to worship leaders. Throughout the day he texts me 2-3 times to say, “What’s up?” or “How are things?” That’s my opportunity to write back about how the baby has a runny nose and both big girls have been arguing all day. He normally writes back with something like, “I’m sorry”, but he also sometimes has ideas or just encouragements like, “why don’t you turn on some music and dance with them to change the atmosphere?” or “I’ll be home in 2 hours to help”. He also texts me about any major things that happen while he’s at work. That way, when he gets home, we both have a general idea of how each others’ days have gone.

Second, take advantage of any freedom you have with your job. Jamie works many, many hours a week, but a lot of what he does can be done at home (especially if the kids are asleep!) If I’ve had a rough night being up several times with the baby, Jamie will feed the kids breakfast while I sleep a little longer. Sometimes that means that he gets into the office a bit later, but he can make up those hours in the evening. When our first two were very young (19 months and 1 month) and I hadn’t slept through the night even once since the first was born, Jamie would come home at the drop of a hat because I was overwhelmed. He always got his work done, but was able to help me out if needed. There are enough evenings where you have to be gone, nights spent trying to perfect a song list, and Sunday mornings that your spouse spends alone. When you do have flexibility, take advantage of it.

Third, take your vacation time! You and your spouse, your kids, and your church will benefit from it. You will find out that the world doesn’t end even if the music is absolutely terrible for a couple weeks a year. (And it probably won’t be that bad.) Your church will realize that you are human and need time off. And your spouse will enjoy being together for an entire Sunday morning!

5. Anything else you want to say?
I can’t think of anything, and I’m not really an expert in all of this, but I’m open to questions.

Lessons From the Last Decade: Criticism, Controversy, and Conflict

It’s been a wonderful ten years in ministry at my church. And it’s also been very hard.

Some of the hardest moments have come when I’ve been the recipient of criticism, the cause of controversy, and involved in conflict. Sometimes the criticism was justified, and I needed to hear it, but other times it was just someone being mean and hurtful. And sometimes the controversy was because I had unknowingly ruffled some feathers, while other times it was because I stumbled into some spiritual strongholds. And sometimes the conflict was over insignificant things like whether or not we should have drums play during communion, and sometimes it was over major things like whether drums are Satanic in origin or not (they’re not).

For many years I struggled with responding to challenges with defensiveness, all the while getting my feelings hurt, my ego bruised, and my identity in limbo. I’d write multi-page emails responding to a woman’s harmless complaint about volume, or I’d be a bit of a jerk in a meeting with someone who thought the 4/4 rock beat was going to cause people to lose their salvation, or I’d get depressed, lose sleep, and get overwhelmed.

Ministry can be very tough and lonely at times. Especially when you have detractors. What do you do?

Cling to the good news of Jesus Christ
You. Are. Hidden. In. Christ. That’s very good news. And you can’t let yourself forget it when you’re someone’s target. You are safe, you are loved, you are accepted, and you are covered by Jesus’ blood. It’s amazing how freeing this is, and how bad things can get for you when you forget it.

Rest assured: most of the time it’s not about you
When you have the unfortunate experience (and you will) of being the target of someone’s displeasure, remember that it’s most likely not about you. Maybe it is. But most of the time it’s not. Address their concerns, listen to them, and respond with grace. Apologize if you need to and then move on. Don’t let someone fixate on you. If they’re mad, it’s probably because they’re sad.

Practical tip #1: stay away from email
Email is good for everyday stuff. It’s bad for weighty stuff. An in-person conversation is ALWAYS better. Always. One of the biggest mistakes (or, sequence of mistakes) in my last ten years was keeping a multi-week dialogue over email running with someone who was very upset with me. It was terrible. I should never have allowed it to go on like that.

Practical tip #2: have hard conversations in neutral territory
Another one of the biggest mistakes I made was insisting that someone come to my office for a difficult conversation. Understandably, they flat-out refused. Never insist on dealing with difficult issues in your office. It immediately places you in the “winning” position. Find a public place, like a Panera with semi-private-yet-public booths. The dynamic is instantly more favorable for a good conversation, not a confrontation. If a conflict has reached a point where it needs to be in an office, have it in one of your pastor’s offices with him present.

Be quick to make it right
Just get it over with and reach out to someone with a personal card, or a phone call, or a coffee, and put the difficult issue to rest. The longer it drags on, the more the molehill becomes a mountain.

Be steadfast
Too many people in ministry are incredibly afraid of the slightest whiff of criticism, controversy, or conflict, that they’ll do anything to avoid it, including changing their mind, accommodating the critics, weakening their convictions, and literally trying to keep everybody happy. This is one definition of insanity. Sometimes you just need to stick to your guns.

Never forget: you have been called by God
God is faithful. He will defend you. He will accomplish his purposes in and through you. No elder board, no angry member, no petition, no nasty email, and no “I’m going to leave the church unless…” should frighten you. You can sleep well and let him deal with your problems for you. You’ll be much happier in ministry and you’ll last a lot longer too.

Lessons From the Last Decade: Leading A Worship Team Well

When I came to The Falls Church Anglican ten years ago, I inherited a worship team of about 20-30 members, made up of men and women of different ages, backgrounds, musical experiences, etc. Over the last decade there’s been almost complete (and constant) turnover in the team (Washington D.C. is a very transient area), though there are a few that have been with me the whole time, and I have really enjoyed this part of my “job”.

But I’ve not always done a great job at leading a worship team. I’ve made some mistakes (!) and learned some lessons, and I offer these suggestions for those of you who have any role in the leading, caring, and feeding of a group of volunteers/musicians in your own church.

Recruit to a vision
Don’t just fill musical slots. Recruit people who want to be involved in serving the congregation in a pastoral role, using music as a tool to point the church to Christ.

Add slowly
It’s easier to add someone to a team than it is to ask someone to step down from a team. Resist the temptation to put someone up front before you’re sure (and they’re sure) they’re ready to be a committed member of the church.

Add carefully
Don’t just audition someone musically. Ask them to tell you their story. Ask them why they want to serve. Listen to their testimony. Tell them what you’re looking for. See what questions they ask you. Let them come to a few rehearsals. Let them play on a Sunday or two before they’re officially on the team. Look for the three Cs: character, competency, and chemistry.

Build community
Your team’s effectiveness in worship leading will increase exponentially if they love each other, have fun and laugh together, pray together, worship together, go out to eat with one another, have inside jokes with one another, and enjoy each other’s company.

Don’t lose momentum
It will take years to build the kind of community I describe above. But you can torpedo it in a matter of weeks or months if you don’t keep cultivating it, through intentional time together outside of Sunday mornings.

Be a clear leader
In your musical and pastoral roles, be as clear as you can be about what your goals are, and what your expectations are. People respond well to clear leadership. They shy away from timidity.

Be organized, dependable, and consistent
A disorganized leader breeds a messy team. An undependable leader breeds a flaky team. And an inconsistent leader breeds a dysfunctional team. You set the tone.

Always pray when you’re together
No meeting, rehearsal, or service should happen without you calling your team to a time of prayer. Never give people the impression that you think you don’t need God’s help.

Keep people laughing
People love to laugh. If your times together as a team are marked by laughter, then people will want to come back, even if it means getting up early, staying out late, or spending an entire morning at church. Laughter is a powerfully magnetic tool.

Laugh at yourself
Be the first person to poke fun at yourself. This will set a tone of humility and self-forgetfulness that will permeate the whole atmosphere of your team.

Don’t ask too much of people
The members of your team are real people with lives, families, jobs, other commitments, etc. If being a member of your team has a detrimental impact on their lives, you’re asking too much of them. When the problem is that you’re asking too much, you need to reevaluate your system. But if the problem is that someone is just too busy, then you need to be quick to release people before they get burned out.

Don’t ask too little of people either
Call people to a high standard of service, musicianship, involvement, preparation, ministry, and commitment. Then expect them to step up. It’s possible to do this in a way that’s not at odds with people’s family/personal lives and careers (and it looks different depending on where your church is). People want to be challenged, they want to grow, and they want you to help them.

Lessons From the Last Decade: Serving Your Pastor Well

This week I’m getting all nostalgic as I look back on the last ten years of my life serving at The Falls Church Anglican. One of the privileges of being here has been serving my pastor, John Yates. John is a godly man, a good pastor, and has taught me a lot. He took a big risk in hiring me with very little experience and giving me a large amount of freedom and grace. I sure have needed that grace! And I sure have appreciated the freedom.

The relationship between the pastor and the worship leader (or organist, or choir director, or music minister, or all of the above) is notoriously tricky. Today I want to offer a few lessons I’ve learned over the last decade on how to serve your pastor well, and to make this tricky relationship a bit less… well… tricky.

Don’t go around him
The phrase “it’s better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission” should never enter your mind when thinking about your pastor. It’s always, always, always better to ask for his permission. Always.

Don’t go against him
Your pastor needs your support, your help, and your encouragement. If you disagree with him, then have a conversation with him and ask him questions. He’d be much happier having a conversation and answering your questions/concerns, then dealing with your flat-out opposition.

Don’t surprise him
It took me 7 1/2 years to realize that my pastor didn’t like being surprised on Sunday mornings. Duh. Now I email/talk with him every week about what songs I’m planning. 99% of the time he says “that’s great”. 1% of the time he says “I’d rather you not…” And avoiding that 1% chance of surprising him has made my life much more enjoyable (and probably his too).

Don’t be high-maintenance
Your pastor has enough high-maintence people in his congregation. Don’t join their ranks. Do your job well, faithfully, humbly, and trustworthily, and your pastor will love you.

Don’t go outside your parameters
Step 1: Ask and learn what your parameters are. Step 2: Stay inside those parameters. That’s your safety zone, and the protection of your pastor might not extend outside of that zone.

Initiate things inside those parameters
Step 3: Be an initiator. If you know your parameters, and you know where you have your pastor’s support, then just get on with initiating stuff. He’ll be delighted to see you taking charge and will be grateful for your energy.

Help him preach his message
Take the time to find out what he’s preaching on, and do your best to support the preaching of the Word by what songs you pick. A worship leader who ignores his pastor will most likely be ignored by their pastor.

Run your ministry in such a way that gets people involved
Your pastor hears from people all the time who aren’t happy because they “can’t get plugged in”. Plug people in. Have them to your house. Have worship team dinners. Build community. It’s good for the church, and it’s good for the pastor to see you getting people involved. He’ll be grateful.

Be organized
It will be hard for your pastor to trust you with more responsibility if you can’t keep things organized.

Keep track of the history
What times were the Christmas services last year? What about the year before? What did we do about communion on Pentecost last year? These sorts of questions come up in meetings, and if you can answer them, you’ll show that you’re valuable in more ways than just leading music.

Do your part as well as you can
Prepare, rehearse, and lead worship on Sunday mornings in such a way that helps people see and savor Jesus Christ. Work on your transitions and prayers. Help make Sunday mornings a well-run, well-led, and well-received gathering.

Pray for him
A worship leader who prays for his/her pastor is a worship leader who wants the best for his/her church. A church is best served by unified leadership. So, pursue unity with your pastor, and pursue it prayerfully, and your worship leadership will be all the more effective.

Headed to the Anglican Assembly 2014

Tonight I’m headed up to Latrobe, PA to lead worship at eight different sessions/services at the Anglican Church in North America‘s Assembly 2014. In addition to hearing some great speakers (J.I. Packer, Os Guinness, Gary Haugen, Andy Crouch, Eric Mataxas, etc.), I’m looking forward to the times of corporate worship and leading the music alongside some good friends who are traveling up there with me. My church has taken the lead on planning/organizing much of this conference, and before I transition out in a little less than two weeks, it will be fun (and exhausting) to be a part of this event.

A couple of years ago I led worship at a similar event on the West Coast, and I taught a seminar called “Ten Ways Anglican Churches Can Grow in Worship”. I posted on it back then, but since I’m going to be knee-deep in the Anglican world this week, and since I think all of these things can apply to other churches as well, I’d like to share them again.

Here are ten ways Anglicans (and probably most other churches) can grow in worship:

1. Worship God out of love, not duty
We don’t worship God because he needs it, we worship God because we need it. To paraphrase John Piper: God demands praise because we won’t be happy until we give it. God isn’t needy. We are. When people come to church because they think God needs it, or because God will be impressed, they’re doing it out of duty. Encourage people to come hungry, thirsty, and expectant to receive.

2. Appreciate all styles of music as God’s handiwork
There is not one style of music that can contain God’s glory. There is not one style of music that is unable to be used for God’s glory. Music is God’s handiwork, therefore we can and should use all of it, with care, for the glory of God. Therefore, we shouldn’t be protective, defensive, or suspicious. We should be glad to see God’s glory reflected in variety.

3. Expressiveness as the norm
When is the last time you’ve taught/offered encouragement on biblical expressiveness? Teach it from the bible and let people know they’re safe to feel free to worship with their bodies. Finally, model it. People won’t go beyond what they see up front. Expressive worship is the norm in scripture. So it should be in our churches too.

4. Clergy as worship leaders
The pastor, or the priest, or the rector of a church is being studied at all times. Especially during a service. If he’s not interested or engaged in what’s going on, people notice. If your congregation isn’t expressive or engaged in worship, look at your pastor. Most often, he isn’t either.

5. Lay Eucharistic ministers, acolytes, ushers, etc., as worship leaders
If you were to walk into a new church for the first time and see people up front, you would understandably assume that those people were in leadership. And if those people look bored during the service, you would understandably get the idea that worship isn’t terribly important. In Anglican/liturgical churches, most often, the people that we put up on the platform look bored. And I think this is a major reason why our congregations do too.

6. Do contemporary well
I remember when I was visiting England and I ordered a burger at a restaurant. I could tell it wasn’t the real deal. I remember when I was a kid and my Mom tried to sneak store-brand Cheerios in the name-brand box. I could tell it wasn’t the real deal. People have sharp antennae for fakeness. Sadly, in many Anglican churches, classical music is supported with skilled leaders and some sort of budget, while the contemporary music is not. This should not be so. Do it all well.

7. Go for it: celebration
On a scale of 1 – 10, 10 being a party, and 1 being asleep, most Anglican churches settle around a 3. They’re not totally asleep, but they’re leaning that direction. I think I can get away with saying this stuff since I’ve grown up in this tradition.

Don’t expect a congregation that’s at a 3 to all of the sudden go to a 10. But maybe one Sunday with some explanation and love you can encourage them to a 3.5? Nudge people to celebrate God’s glory with more enthusiasm.

8. Wait for it: stillness
Most people have very few (if any) extended times of stillness during their day. We can give them that space on Sunday. But it’s not enough to just leave silence and expect people to figure out what to do. Imagine you’re stuck on a plane on the tarmac. What do you want? The pilot to give you an update. So apply this principle to times of silence on Sunday: give people a bit of direction and explain what’s going to happen, and encourage them to be still and listen to the Lord and enjoy his presence. It might make people uncomfortable but it’s good for them.

9. See liturgy as a tool not an idol
I’ve written and spoken extensively on this here.

10. Leave room for the Spirit
Which of these two questions are you asking yourself the most throughout the service: (1) where does the liturgy have us going? Or (2) where is the Holy Spirit leading us? Both are important questions. But one is more important than the other. And that’s the latter question.

If, by any chance, you’re going to be at the Anglican Assembly this week, come say hi!