Good Old Bulletin Bloopers

I was going through some old documents on my computer today and came across this list of bulletin bloopers that I used to read on our church’s Alpha course. Sure, you may have received them in an email forward about fifteen times over the last couple of years, but for me they never get old. Enjoy:

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High.”

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

The Lutheran men’s group will meet at 6 pm. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

Remember in prayer the many that are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

“Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.”

“The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.”

The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.”
The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

Sermon Outline:
I. Delineate your fear
II. Disown your fear
III. Displace your rear

Don’t miss this Saturday’s exhibit by Christian Martian Arts.

If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check, and drip in the collection basket.

Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep.

A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.

The maintenance of the church graveyard is becoming increasingly costly. It would be a great help if parishioners would do their best to tend their own graves.

Would the congregation kindly remember that the box marked ‘For the Sick’ is for financial contributions only.

Bilingual Chicken Dinner this Sunday at Noon.