Tag: Leading

Leading Worship at Weddings

This afternoon I have the privilege of playing piano and leading the singing at the wedding of some friends at my church. It’s always a joy to be a part of a wedding, but it’s even better when you actually know the people! Leading worship at a wedding can be tricky, so I thought I’d share ten lessons I’ve learned over the years.

Make sure they’re Christians
 When I first started getting asked to lead worship at weddings, I always said yes. Then I showed up at a wedding when I wasn’t even sure the bride and groom were Christians. The Mother of the Bride knew me from church and asked me to sing, and I accepted since I was flattered and eager for some extra cash. But I should have declined, and now I always make sure the couple are Christians and committed to a church.

Be clear about what you will and will not sing
At the same wedding I was just talking about, I was asked to sing one of the worst songs in the history of the world. I don’t even remember the name of it, but it was a John Tesh song with the line, “there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make you my wife”. Could there possibly be a more awkward line to sing at a wedding? Well probably. But who am I supposed to look at as I sing that line?

Needless to say, now when I’m asked to lead worship for a wedding I’m clear from the beginning that I will only sing hymns or worship songs. If they want a song outside those genres, I’ll have to read the lyrics first and think about it. And in both cases, I need to be able to approve or decline their choices. (It’s helpful to give them a list of 15 – 20 hymns/worship songs that are most well-known, Gospel-filled, and wedding appropriate.)

Be honest about what you can and cannot play
I cannot play classical piano. If a couple asks me to do the music at their wedding, I tell them up front that if they want particular classical pieces for the seating of the family, bridesmaids procession, or bride’s procession, they’ll need to find someone else to play those pieces. I’m happy to play hymn tunes or make something up that sounds classical, but I can’t play the real deal. Most couples are OK with this. Some are not, and they want some genuine classical pieces played, so they find a friend or someone else to play those.

Talk about money
It is standard practice for the musician(s) at a wedding to be paid. You don’t have to be paid, of course, and you can tell the couple this when they ask. But the default is that you should be paid, anywhere from $100 – $250 or more depending on the situation and your experience. It can be awkward if you wait until the last minute, when the couple is dealing with a billion details, to talk about this. Just mention it at the beginning and get it out of the way. You’ll be one the least expensive things they have to worry about.

Don’t assume they’ll have sound reinforcement covered
I’m continually amazed at how people overlook the need for a sound system and a qualified person to run it. I also can’t understand how people think a microphone – on its own, no cables, no sound board, no amps, and no speakers, just a solitary microphone on its own – will magically project sound into a room. This is one of life’s greatest mysteries to me.

But people do overlook it, especially couples planning a wedding. Make sure they’re aware of your needs, whether it’s for a sound system, a sound engineer, equipment, etc. Don’t show up to the wedding and be surprised.

What about the lyrics?
Similarly, I’ve had occasions when I’ve shown up to the wedding, picked up the program, and been surprised by the lyrics the couple chose. Either they’re wrong, they’ve thrown in extra verses, or they’ve left random parts out. Send the couple the lyrics you want to use, and ask to see a draft of the program before they all get printed.

To attend rehearsal or not to attend rehearsal?
Should you be expected to attend the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner? This depends on three things.
– First, do you want to? If yes, then go. If not, then…
– Second, does the pastor expect you to be there? If so, then you’ll probably want to go. If not, and he’s mainly going to run through procedure and placement with the wedding party (which is the case most of the time, in my experience), then you don’t need to go.
– Third, is it necessary? I’m usually comfortable showing up a couple of hours before the wedding, connecting with the wedding coordinator, talking with the pastor, and running through the songs, leaving plenty of time to get comfortable without having to give up my Friday night as well (and make a bunch of small talk too).

Going out of town
If you’re asked to lead the music for an out-of-town wedding, you’ll need to really consider whether or not it’s wise for you to accept. If you know the couple well or feel compelled to, then by all means do it. But if not, it is an awful lot of time, energy, miles, gas or airfare, hotel reservations, and hassle. You will also oftentimes end up losing money. To avoid this, if you accept an invitation to lead music at an out-of-town wedding, you would be wise to communicate up front that you’d appreciate an honorarium (be specific), and your expenses covered. And yes, this is totally appropriate unless it’s immediate family.

When it’s at a different church
There’s a rule, whether it’s written or unwritten, that the music director(s) at a particular church has “first dibs” on weddings at that church. Also, depending on the church, they will have certain rules about what kinds of songs and instruments can and cannot be played. If you’re invited to lead worship at a wedding at a different church, either you or the couple will need to contact that church’s music director and make sure he or she is comfortable with you doing the music, and with the music you all have planned.

Have realistic expectations 
Weddings are unique affairs. This is the day the couple has dreamed of their whole lives. Friends and family, many of whom don’t know one another, have all flown in from around the world and are sitting in one place. There are family dynamics that you might know nothing about. The ladies are in fancy dresses. The guys are in fancy suits. It’s an unfamiliar venue for most of the people. Many may not be Christians.

So have realistic expectations when you’re leading worship at a wedding. Some will sing, and others will stare at you with hostility. Some will seem genuinely engaged, and others will be taking it all in since they’ve never stepped foot in a church before. Don’t expect a huge response. Just serve them as well as you can, faithfully point them to Jesus, and don’t take it personally if you’re one of the few people singing. Just no John Tesh songs.

Worship Leader Nightmares

Last night I had one of those dreams – one of those worship leaders nightmares – when the service is starting and the congregation is assembled but I am absolutely unprepared. In this particular dream it was one of our biggest services of the year, Lessons and Carols, and when it came time to sing a song, everything fell apart.

The congregation stared and waited. I was leading from the keyboard and it was too low for me to reach. I tried to play it but I couldn’t. The band was confused. The congregation was murmuring. I asked someone to help me raise the keyboard. They tried to help me and knocked all my music over. The congregation was now totally disengaged. I got set up again and started to try the song, but one of those webpage-like advertisements covered up the chord chart. Yes, that’s right. A digital pop-up ad was all of the sudden on my chord chart. So I stopped and waited. Then tried again. Then mercifully one of our baby girls crying woke me up.

Do you ever get these dreams? If you’re a worship leader I bet you do. They always a bit different but they share the basic horrifying premise: you’re on stage, the congregation is looking at you, and you are failing. You’re not ready, you’re not doing a good job, and every one knows it.

I try not to read too much into dreams. When I dream about a bunny rabbit talking to me in French while we both travel the Mexican coastline in a minivan, I don’t usually try to unpack the prophetic meaning or see what God is trying to tell me. Weird dreams just happen.

But dreams can tell us something about where we’re anxious and where we’re insecure. If you’re a student, you’ll probably have dreams about showing up for your final exam without ever having attended the class. If you’re a doctor, you’ll probably dream about misdiagnosing a patient or making a terrible mistake. Worship leaders don’t have lives at stake or the danger of failing a class, but we do have to “perform” to a certain degree each time we lead. We have to execute certain up-front responsibilities like talking, singing, leading a band, making transitions, etc. And the prospect of showing up without any clothes on or with all of our songs suddenly required to be sung in Chinese rightfully terrifies us.

Here is where I’m going with this: First, if you’re a worship leader, you’re not the only one who gets these kinds of dreams. So be comforted. And maybe leave a comment affirming that this is true for our mutual benefit. Second, every time you have one of these dreams (once a week anyone?), make a default assumption that it’s God’s way of revealing anxiety and stress in you that you need to deal with. Sure, it might be a random dream. But it also might just be God’s way of graciously exposing your fear of man.

God knows your dreams, believe it or not. Some are just your brain processing nonsense. Others might be a bit more telling. My dream last night tells me this: I’m afraid of making a fool of myself. I struggle with this fear on a semi-regular basis. I need God’s peace. I need to repent of my desire to be perfect. I need to trust even more in Jesus. And maybe, after all that, take a ride along the Mexican coast in a minivan. But not with the bunny rabbit. I don’t speak French.

Worship Leading Tricks (Or Should it Be Tips?) – Pt. 2

Yesterday I shared some basic worship leading “tricks” (although “tricks” might not be the best word, but I’ll just go with it. Don’t judge me…) that don’t require months and months or years and years of experience to pick up. These range from how to handle bad singers, jitters, mistakes, etc. Here are some more worship leading tricks. Maybe “tips” is a better word. Oh well. Tricks it is.

When you don’t know how to end a time of worship, sing the Doxology
Everyone knows it. It’s easy to sing. It’s Trinitarian. It ends with “amen”. Don’t do it every time, but many times when we have an extended time of worship at a service or smaller group meeting, I’m not sure how to wrap it up. Stop playing and just sing the doxology acappella. Beautiful.

Your pastor is your insurance
Here’s an example: in the Anglican church we have a “rule” that during Lent you can’t say “Alleluia”. You have to wait until Easter. I get this, but I also think it’s a little bit silly. I asked my pastor if he cares about this rule. He said he didn’t. So I use songs during Lent that have the word Alleluia. When I get comments/complaints, I tell them my pastor said it’s OK. Bam. Use your pastor for cover.

A good recording goes a long way
If you can avoid it – don’t teach your worship team a new song by singing it to them at rehearsal. Unless they’re really good at making up and picking out parts and arrangements on the spot, you’re guaranteeing a long slog of getting everything sorted out. Find a good recording online somewhere and find a way to get it to your team a few days (at least) in advance. Your drummer should pay attention to how the drummer plays, your singers pay attention to the harmonies, etc. You do yourself and your team a favor when you do this.

Unplug your guitar cable from the direct box first
Check with your sound engineer about this – but if you’re unplugging your guitar during a service, to avoid the loud pop of doom, unplug it from the direct box first. Only unplug from your guitar if you’re 100% you’ve been muted, or if you have a pedal tuner that mutes your signal pre-direct box. If you don’t follow this rule, and you send a deafening pop through the speakers, your sound engineer will officially hate your guts because the congregation will give him the dirty looks. Help a brother out.

Flip flops are a no-no
Unless (1) you’re leading worship on the beach or (2) you’re leading worship on the beach, don’t wear flip flops while leading worship if you’re a guy. For some reason, this rule doesn’t necessarily apply to women. Their flip flops and fancier and their feet are generally considered to be less gross.

Getting the right tempo matters
Don’t just launch into a song in a hurry. Take a few seconds to hum a section of the song in your head to make sure you get the tempo right. Don’t let your drummer or keyboardist or guitarist start off the song unless you’re confident they’ll start it off with the right tempo. If you are having someone else start off the song, decide the BPM during rehearsal, and if they have an iPhone or some other smart phone, make sure they have one of the many free metronome apps that are out there. It can silently blink the tempo at them. Doing a song too slow or too fast can ruin it.

It’s easier to correct the tempo with your voice than with your instrument
If the song is too fast or too slow, the temptation is to start strumming or playing the keys more rapidly or slowly in order to give the rest of the band a hint. Not a terrible idea, but in my experience, it’s easier to get the band to speed up or slow down to the correct tempo if I just stubbornly start singing faster or slower. Try it.

Worship Leading Tricks – Pt. 1

The best way to grow in effective worship leading is to get as much experience as you can. You can’t rush it. Small groups, large groups, nursing homes, vacation bible schools, funerals, weddings, retreats, and Sunday mornings. Over the course of weeks and months and years, you’ll find yourself growing. And, hopefully, you’ll always be growing in your skill. If you ever think you’ve “arrived”, you’re mistaken. You’re probably in danger of a really embarrassing couple of services until you come to your senses.

But while growing in worship leading takes time, there are certain “tricks” that long-seasoned and very-beginning worship leaders alike can employ, regardless of how long or how briefly they’ve been doing it. This isn’t an exhaustive list, and these are listed in no order of importance.

The placebo mic
Let’s say you’ve just arrived in your job. You’ve inherited some singers whose voices are more suited for singing in the car – with no passengers – than singing in public. Asking them to step down from the team will start World War III. Talk to your sound engineer (if he’s trust worthy). Tell him you want that singer’s voice mixed solo. So lo you can’t hear it. Problem solved.

“Thank you so much”
Here are some things you might hear after a service: “That was just wonderful.” “That was my least favorite service in the history of time.” “I wish you would do more Bill Gaither songs.” “You remind me of a young Neil Diamond.” “I think you should do this song I heard on the radio.” “I couldn’t hear that singer standing next to you.” Your response? “Thank you so much.” Add on a brief conversation closer like “That’s very helpful” or “I’ll talk to my sound engineer” before closing with, you guessed it, “thank you so much”. Then repeat as needed until the person leaves.

Master your “I meant to do that” face
So you forget to do the last verse. You start off in the wrong key. Your string breaks and you have to switch guitars. You start to play your instrument but the pastor hasn’t finished talking. You sing the wrong words. You start a 4/4 song off in 3/4. Whatever your mistake is – unless it’s glaring – keep trucking. Act like you’ve got everything under control and you meant to do that, and 95% of the people won’t notice.

Less is more
I did a post on this a few months ago – but I’ll summarize it here. It’s better to leave people wanting more than to leave people begging you to stop. I’d rather end a set one song early than go one song too long. I have a hard time listening to my own advice on this one, but I try.

Don’t do too much new stuff
One new song: people will give it their best shot. Two new songs: people will try to muster enough energy to learn it, but won’t enjoy it. Three new songs: you’re pretty much on your own. Err on the side of choosing songs that the bulk of people will know. It will build capital and trust that you can then lean on and draw from when you teach something new.

You don’t have to say much
Don’t stress over what to say at the beginning, how to transition between songs, what to pray at the end, or what to say in between lines. There are really only two things you have to say: First, “let’s stand together and sing”, and second, “you can be seated”. If you’re comfortable saying more, and what you’re saying is helpful, then go ahead. But if you’re just not comfortable saying much, then don’t. Get them to stand, get them to sing, then get them to sit down.

Breaking Out of Worship Leader Prison – Pt. 4

“Guilty people make people feel guilty. Free people make people feel free.” This is one of the first things Dr. Steve Brown shared at a class he taught last week, before he shared the twelve prisons that entrap Christians and that are deadly to pastors.

I’ve shared nine of these prisons (part one, part two, and part three), and the underlying issues. Today I’d like to share the last three.

10. Rules
Believe it or not, people will try to manipulate you. They might not even realize they’re doing it, but they are. Don’t be manipulated by the rules people try to set for you. If you want to stay out of the prison of these other-people-imposed rules, you’ll need to set boundaries.

You might recognize some of these:
– Jerry needs a worship leader for his Tuesday night men’s ministry meeting. He asks you. If you say no he won’t have anyone. So you say yes even though it means you’ll be away from home for a fourth straight evening.
– Your bass player refuses to use the online rehearsal resource that the rest of your worship team uses. So you print out chord charts and mail him a CD and spend an extra two hours just on him.
– Amy Amison, a woman who has always sung solos at your church, wants to sing “O Holy Night” this Christmas Eve. She’s not very good. But she’s always sung. You’d rather not have her sing, but you hear from several people that you don’t really have a choice.

So rules get imposed on you. You have to lead worship for the men’s ministry meeting. You have to cater to your uncooperative bass player. You have to let Amy Amison sing.

Why? Because you have to.

No you don’t. You’ve been manipulated.

Being a Christian, and being a worship leader, doesn’t mean you lose your right to set boundaries, to say “no”, to go against unhelpful traditions, and to ruffle feathers. You will burn out more quickly than you can imagine if you allow the prison of rules to keep you locked up.

11. Religion
Leading people in magnifying and exalting the greatness of God in Jesus Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit is exciting. Leading musicians in using their gifts to passionately, skillfully, and humbly lead the congregation in singing praise to God is a joy.

But presenting people with a safe, predictable, and polite collection of songs is robotic. Playing chords and melodies to please the ear and manipulate emotions is dangerous.

In the first example we have a picture of the church gathering to celebrate the glory of God. In the second example we have a picture of a religious institution that wants nice music.

When people get really excited about Christianity as an institution, then they’re in prison. The same principle applies to worship leaders. When they get more excited about presenting a polite collection of impressive songs than they do helping people encounter and exalt God’s greatness, they’re (no pun intended), behind bars.

If you find yourself dreading leading worship or coming into the church office to prepare for services and rehearsals, that might be a red flag that you’re in a prison of religion and need to be refreshed and amazed again by the freedom of God’s grace in Jesus Christ.

Jesus elicits our worship. Religion elicits our duty. If you’re duty-bound, then you really are bound. Worship Jesus, not the institution.

12. Gurus
The last prison that entraps worship leaders is the prison of gurus.

There is no shortage of worship gurus out there. To learn from them, be mentored by them, and follow their example is a good and healthy thing (depending on the guru). To worship at their altar is not healthy. In fact, it’s idolatry.

We all have people we put on a pedestal. We think that by emulating them and following them we’ll be more sanctified. But we’re not. We’re less so. We’re fake and in bondage.

There really is incredible bondage in worshipping other worship leaders. There is freedom in worshipping Jesus. Be intentional in seeking out good role models. But be careful not to cross the blurry line into idolizing them.

My prayer for myself, and any worship leader who reads this blog, is that God would continue to break the chains of bondage that seek to hinder our effectiveness in ministry, and that we would be set free, by his grace, more and more every day.