Figuring Out Who You Are

1When I was first starting to really get into worship leading during middle school, I was spending a lot of time listening to a Pentecostal worship leader out of Florida. You wouldn’t know who he is, since the only reason I could listen to him was because my Mom had subscribed to that church’s sermon ministry and when they sent the tapes they included the whole service.

So I’d listen to those tapes and sit there transfixed. The worship leader (and team) was really good. This stuff wasn’t edited or produced or anything. This was live, straight-from-the-sound-board, as-it-happened worship. In classic Pentecostal style, they could take a 3 or 4 minute song and make it go (and go) for 15 minutes. And the more they repeated a song the more people seemed to get into it.

You can criticize that style all you want, but for me at that point in my life, attending and leading worship in an old, dead Episcopal church, listening to those tapes was like water to my thirsty soul.

Naturally, when you listen to a particular worship leader and/or style of music for a while, you start to copy it. And so I, a middle school boy leading worship at a little Episcopal church, began to replicate the Pentecostal worship leader I was hearing on the tapes.

The guy on the tapes could hit a high G and make it sound like he wasn’t even trying. When I tried to hit a D it sounded like I was mimicking a farm animal. The guy on the tapes would add all these phrases and runs and cool embellishments and it made the congregation respond with more vigor. When I tried to do something cool it just sounded like I was… well… trying to do something cool.

I was over-doing it. Big time. Instead of being who I was, a fourteen year old guy who had an average voice, was pretty good on the guitar, and loved to worship, I was trying to be the guy I was listening to on my Walkman after school every day.

I began to become aware of this problem when I started recording our times of worship and listening back to them. As much I wanted to convince myself that I sounded awesome, I couldn’t. I was embarrassed. I felt bad for the people who had to endure my attempts to hit high notes, do cool embellishments, and be somebody I wasn’t. Thank God that the youth group I was leading worship for was gracious and encouraging and never critical.

So for several years, into high school and college, I began an adventure of attempting to lead worship as myself. I would swing from trying to be Bob Kauflin to trying to be Stuart Townend to trying to be Tim Hughes to trying to be like Matt Redman.

But eventually the time came when I had led worship for long enough, gleaned different positive things from different worship leaders I had seen or heard, made enough mistakes, and had enough freedom to stretch my own wings, that I began to get comfortable in my own skin. I was figuring out who I was as a worship leader, and who I wasn’t.

This process is ongoing. I still catch myself trying to be someone I’m not. But, by God’s grace, I feel less and less pressure to be someone I’m not.

How about you? When you lead worship are you trying to be someone else? Have you picked up things from other worship leaders that just aren’t who you are? Are you over-doing? Maybe you just need to relax and not try as hard to be who you think you need to be when you’re leading worship.

Incorporate all the good things from other worship leaders that you see or listen to. Learn as much and as often as you can. Always be eager to make adjustments to how you lead. But at the end of the day, be yourself.

Don’t Be Afraid to Laugh At Yourself

Every once in a while, while leading worship, you can’t hide from the congregation the fact that, at that moment, you don’t know what you’re doing. In these moments, you can either try to keep digging (in which case you usually make things worse) or just laugh at yourself.

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about.

Back in May (of 2012), my church had its very last Sunday morning service on its beloved property of over 275 years. I’ve talked about this before (specifically here). Sunday May 13th was the day, and at the end of the opening time of worship at our 11:00am service, after we sang “Behold Our God”, I had planned for our congregation say Psalm 95:1-7.

The problem was that I hadn’t checked to make sure it was ready to go on the screen. So after “Behold Our God” ended, and I said “let’s read together from Psalm 95”, nothing came up. Awkward moment number one.

The other problem was that I was depending on the words being on the screen so I didn’t have a bible or a printout close by. So I had to rely on my memory. Which at that particular moment, in front of 1,000 people, decided to fail me. Awkward moment number two.

By God’s grace, I had the presence of mind to laugh at myself.

After realizing that Psalm 95 was, in fact, NOT going to come up on the screen, I said “…maybe I’ll read Psalm 95“. People laughed. Phew. Awkward tension lowered a little bit.

Then, after fumbling my way through trying to remember how Psalm 95:1-7 went (and not doing a very good job), I said “(pause) that’s a paraphrase“. People laughed. Phew. Awkward tension lowered again. Then I quickly prayed before I made any more mistakes!

My point is that in those worship leading moments when it’s clear to you and to the congregation that you’ve made a mistake — it’s usually a good idea to just laugh at yourself. It gives them permission to laugh too. It lowers the tension, breaks the ice, and then everyone can move on.

Here’s the clip of the moment for you to enjoy. Feel free to laugh.

Mr. I’m-Too-Busy-To-Reply-To-Emails

Every few weeks I attempt to get my inbox to zero. And in the process, I inevitably come to the bottom few emails that I have let go for weeks with no reply. The person who sent them took the time to compose them and send them to me, but I never took the time to even write them back and say “I will get back to you soon”. I became Mr. I’m-Too-Busy-To-Reply-To-Emails.

And so I begin my belated reply with some sort of genuine apology. I really am sorry (and embarrassed) that I didn’t get to the person for a few weeks (and in some cases, months) and so I say genuinely apologize and ask for their forgiveness. Then I reply to their email.

And that’s the point. I do eventually reply to the person’s email. To never reply to an email is the equivalent of hiding in your house when someone rings your doorbell who knows you’re home. If it’s a salesman, or someone suspicious, you’re probably doing the right thing by hiding. But if it’s a friend? Or a church member? Or a brother or sister? You should reply to their doorbell ringing.

Likewise, if a friend, church member, or a brother or sister-in-Christ sends you an email, you should reply.

If your email volume is at the level where you need administrative help with sorting through them, then you should make sure that person gives the courtesy of a personal reply. And you should make sure your administrative helper isn’t weeding them out too heavily and keeping you from being engaged with people who are seeking you out.

There are occasions when I come across a Mr. I’m-Too-Busy-To-Reply-To-Emails. A few days go by and I figure he’s just really busy. Then a few weeks go by and I begin to get the idea that he just pressed “delete” and moved on to something he thought was more important. After a few months I just assume that person is too far-removed for me to ever be so fortunate to speak with him.

And that’s sad.

As much as you’re able, don’t become a Mr. (or Mrs.) I’m-Too-Busy-To-Reply-To-Emails. Even if, like me, it means you to have eat some humble pie and apologize to people you’ve kept waiting. Better late than never.

The Value of Out-of-the-Bubble Advice

News flash: if you lead worship in any capacity, whether it’s full-time, part-time, or volunteer, one thing is inevitable. You will face a difficult situation at some point. And you won’t know what to do. And how you handle the difficult situation will have consequences.

A member of your congregation is so angry at you that he/she threatens to leave the church. How do you respond?

It seems like someone else on the ministry team/staff at your church is out to get you. Who do you go to?

A member of your worship team is openly living their life in a way that’s contradictory to being in up-front worship leadership. How do you tackle this?

Your pastor is critical of you to other members of the congregation. What in the world are you supposed to do?

You inherited a “worship design committee” that is seeking to exert control over you and your song choices that’s not helpful. Do you have any hope of survival?

These are just a few made-up scenarios that either in my own ministry, or in my experience knowing other worship leaders, touch on some of the difficult situations that leave us wishing we were in another line of work.

And while the difficult situation that you’ll face might be different from one I described above, your questions will be the same. How do I handle this? What is my next move?

You handle tough situations by getting good advice. And, preferably, out-of-the-bubble advice. Someone who can look at your situation from a 30,000 foot view. Someone who’s not emotionally involved. Someone who has Godly wisdom. And, most importantly, someone you can trust to be honest with you.

Here’s the thing, though. And I want to be careful how I say this.

Sometimes the worst advice you’ll receive will come from other people who are in ministry. This is because, generally, people in ministry don’t have as much business/management/leadership experience as the people who are, you guessed it, working in the fields of business, or management, or leadership.

I’m not saying that people in ministry, namely your senior pastor (who you need to include on as much as you can) or other pastors at your church, won’t have good advice. Go to these people too. They’ll have great insights and observations and could potentially help you avoid some landmines. You might have a pastor who’s incredibly wise and experienced. (And even if he’s not, you should still keep him in the loop and love him as well as you can!)

But, again I’m making a generalization here, most pastors or people in ministry, are not nearly as experienced or seasoned in the political and managerial realities of real-world leadership issues as some of the Godly men and women in your congregation are.

So If I could give one piece of leadership advice to a new worship leader, it would be this: when you face difficult situations in ministry and you don’t know what to do, stop and take a deep breath. Pray a lot. Talk to your pastor and get his advice and observations. But then get outside the bubble as quickly as you can. Find someone who can be your mentor. Someone who has run a large-ish organization. Someone who’s been in politics. Or someone who is a gifted leader. Spill the beans to them. Then listen to their advice. Give them permission to be honest with you. Because maybe you’re the problem! In any case, listen well and you’ll benefit from them.

Out-of-the-bubble advice will prove to be incredibly valuable to you as a worship leader, and will help you navigate the inevitable difficult situations with wisdom and clarity.

Ten More Worship Leading Myths

A couple of weeks ago I shard ten worship leading myths that seemed to encourage/challenge a lot of worship leaders and generate some good discussion. I think most worship leaders find themselves regularly facing discouragement and doubt about their role in ministry and whether or not they’re making a difference and going about things the right way. All of us who lead worship could use some encouragement and challenging from time to time, so I offer ten more myths that can keep us being as effective as we should be.

11: My worth correlates to how worship goes. Wrong. It correlates to Jesus’ perfect sacrifice so get over yourself.

12: If people aren’t into it, I should repeat it 4 more times. Wrong. Sometimes you just need to move on.

13: That song didn’t work last week so we should throw it away. Wrong. If it’s a good song, try it at least 3 times.

14: I’m really good at this so I don’t need to prepare. Wrong. God seems to enjoy humbling cocky worship leaders.

15: Maybe someday people will notice me. Wrong. Maybe someday you won’t want to be noticed.

16: Big church worship leaders are experts. Wrong. Small church worship leaders usually have a much harder job.

17: My job is to take people on a journey or create an experience. Wrong. Your job is to point to Jesus with clarity.

18: If we sing too many old hymns we won’t be relevant. Wrong. If you sing too few you won’t have enough substance.

19: I don’t need to get too involved in the congregation. Wrong. If you don’t love them you’re just a clanging cymbal.

20: My pastor doesn’t know how lucky he is to have me. Wrong. You don’t know how lucky you are not to have his job!

As always, I’m sure I missed a couple hundred more myths so please feel free to share.